Are You Suffering From The Forty-Something Fears?

Lots of women find that, when they reach midlife, they start wanting to re-evaluate their lives. Some are able to do it happily and without a wobble, and some go into a complete meltdown I had a friend who left the country rather than acknowledge that she was about to turn 40!

I had my wobble on my 41st birthday. I'd hit 40 without a care in the world, it hadn't bothered me at all.

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But on my 41st birthday I woke up and felt the icy fingers of the Forty-Something Fears grasp me.

There was no rational explanation for it I'd gone to bed the night before, perfectly happy. I was on holiday with my family and we we're having a splendid time and then I woke up on my 41st birthday staring my own mortality in the face. Suddenly I was aware that I could well be over half way through my life.

What had I done with all those years?

What had happened to all my youthful dreams?

What was I going to do with whatever time I had left?

And was it all downhill from now on?

I prodded my Lovely Husband awake and told him how I was feeling. Normally he's very sympathetic, but on this occasion all he said was

Well I'm 54, how do you think I feel?!

No help there, then.

I managed to shake off the glooms after a while and the holiday continued on it's merry way, but on that day was born a desire to make sure that I didn't just bimble along for the rest of my days until I finally woke up dead one day, without ever having found out what I was really capable of.

Now that I'm nearer to 50 than 40 I can look back on my 41st birthday and realise that my reinvention began that day.

Actually, reinventions not the right word I didn't reinvent myself, so much as start to become more truly myself. I embarked on a process (sometimes conscious, sometimes unconscious) of figuring out what I wanted out of life, and how to get it.

I became more confident about myself and my talents and I started to believe that I was a person in my own right, responsible for my own actions and choices.

I started developing my potential and a few years later I realised that I had discovered what I was put on this earth to do and now I'm finally running my own business, doing it.

And I am not exceptional.

Anyone can do what I did.

Reaching midlife does not have to mean having a midlife crisis.

There are no rules that say that by the time you reach 40 you should have done x, y and z, and yet I meet lots of lovely women who feel that they have somehow failed because they haven't got married, had kids and setted down with a large mortgage even if they never wanted any of those things!

Now that I'm 46, I really do believe that life begins at 40. We are lucky enough to live in a time and a society where, as forty something women, we can earn our own money, make our own decisions and live the lives we choose.

If you've spent the years up to now living the life that was chosen for you by your parents or your school or your man, then now's the perfect time to start thinking about what you want.

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Posted in Recreation Post Date 12/06/2024


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